You Grew Roots Around My Ribcage
by Frostings
Summary: A collection of Levi/Petra oneshots.
1. You Grew Roots Around My Ribcage

**Summary:** Seasons pass, and things change without them even noticing it.  
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* * *

**summer**

She first meets Levi on a summer day. His cravat is untied and he is all angles and an intense glower, his expression carefully arranged to let her know on no uncertain terms that he dislikes her very, very much.

So she introduces herself and sits across him, slides a paper and a quill in his direction. He's not illiterate and she's been warned not to treat him as one, but his composition could do some work. His reports fly all over the place, much like the writer himself when in action, Point A to Point Z to Point H in a seemingly haphazard manner, his writing never quite catching up with his thoughts. She is on mandatory leave from the Survey Corps, but she doesn't like keeping still, figures it's a good time as any to help out in other ways.

Humanity's Strongest Soldier looks very annoyed at having to scratch away with a quill when he could be doing other things, more useful things, but Petra finds it commendable that he throws himself in the work anyway.

When he finally hands his work back in, the sun is a warm orange on the horizon outside the window. She scans his work and is pleasantly surprised to see it only needs a few minor improvements. She tells him so, adding that she'll recommend to shorten their session to two days.

He doesn't seem relieved, he doesn't seem smug. He doesn't seem like much anything she's ever met. He simply shrugs, one smooth movement, graceful in everything he does. "If that is your recommendation, that is your recommendation," he says.

She doesn't know what to say to that, so she simply nods and collects her materials. Levi is still standing there, with an unreadable look on his face.

"Gustav Ral…he's…_was_…your brother, right?"

Her hands slow, and then stay still.

"Good man. Good soldier," Levi continues. His expression is careful and blank, a message written in invisible ink somewhere.

"Thank you, sir."

"It's amazing that you two were even allowed in the Survey Corps together. Will you be continuing your service with us?"

"Yes, sir. At least, I hope so."

If Levi disliked her at first, he seems intrigued now. "Figured you didn't want to be a schoolteacher out of the blue." After a beat, he adds, "I'll put in a good word to the Commander for you."

"Thank you, sir."

"Don't thank me," Levi says. He doesn't say it, but she hears it, _Don't thank me for signing the death warrant you asked for._

* * *

**autumn**

"You let your guard down too quick," Levi admonishes her on the second week of training. He's invited her to his personal squad, and any feelings of elation are quickly crushed by feelings of unworthiness. Her shoulder strains with effort as she hangs limply from her gear. "You take a chance, but you never let your guard down, Ral. You're always taking a chance out there."

"Yes, sir." Petra responds automatically and out of the corner of her eye, she sees Auruo chuckling.

"That's enough for today," Levi goes on, and everyone breathes an audible sigh of relief. "Everyone take a good rest. We have a mission tomorrow."

Their first mission as a squad. A tremor of fear shoots through her, unbidden. She hides her face from the Corporal as her feet finally touch the ground. Everyone else are already leaving. She feels defeated and exhausted. Take a chance, take a chance, she chants in her head, like a prayer, like a song.

"Ral," the Corporal says. He approaches her and hands her a piece of paper. She looks at him, questioning.

"My report," he says by way of explanation. Dusk is creeping in and his gray eyes take on a warmer hue. "Would you mind taking a look at it before I submit it to the brass?"

"Isn't this confidential, sir?"

He shrugs like it doesn't matter. It probably doesn't, to him.

In the fading light, she reads his words. Death lined up neatly in a row, names of soldiers, gone and lost. The perfect calm that is required in these reports, emotionless and placate, jump at her from the page. He misses no detail, describes it as best as he can.

Petra feels like crying, and she doesn't know why.

She hands it back to him; her fingers brush his. "This is very good, sir," she says.

He looks at her with that unreadable expression of his. "Thank you, Petra," he says, and he walks away without another word.

* * *

**winter**

There are good days too, days when they all come home, days when she receives a letter from her father, good news, a nice meal with the squad. Petra learns how Gunther laughs silently, how Erd is a great cook, Auruo's gentler side. Sometimes she does well, and she thinks of her brother, hopes that she is doing something good for humanity, something that lasts. There are days where she is reminded that it's good to be alive.

Winter comes softly and quietly, a chill in the air and a quickness in the days. Petra reads a banned book about lands filled with ice and wonders what it must be like. The days are still hectic, but missions outside the Wall lessen; one can only do so much in the chill and the cold. She senses that the Corporal is unhappy but there's nothing much anyone can do about that.

Petra carefully saves her money to buy wool to knit scarves with. She's not very good at it, and Auruo would probably laugh, but she persists anyway. There used to be some sort of holiday in the older days, when the world was a happier place to live in. It seems like a charming idea, Petra thinks, something hopeful and cheerful to look back on.

Once she is done, the squad seem pretty pleased, and even Auruo looks touched. The Corporal accepts his gift without comment, and Petra doesn't understand why she feels so disappointed.

* * *

**spring**

People die in the spring just as the flowers bloom, and it's just another day.

Petra just about manages to survive and save Erd from certain death, and she's rewarded with two cracked ribs and a dislocated shoulder. She limps back into the city and refuses to meet the gaze of the people who line up to see their defeat. But Petra isn't one to sulk. She doesn't shut herself in her room in the barracks, only merely goes to see a physician to tend to her injuries.

She half-expects the Corporal to scold her when he visits her at the hospital. He does no such thing, merely sits down and hands her a small, rectangular object.

"What's this?" she asks.

"Chocolate."

"From Erd?"

He looks at her like it's the most idiotic thing she's said. Realization hits her and she smiles a bit.

"Delivery took a little longer than expected; those bastards are hoarding up the supplies," the Corporal says bitterly. Petra looks down on her hands and gingerly traces the outline of his gift. These things are luxuries; she doesn't understand why she has this.

"You did well, Petra," the Corporal says abruptly.

She shakes her head. "You don't have to, sir." She holds out the chocolate bar back to him. "You have nothing to make up for."

"I'm not making up for anything," he retorts.

She knows that look. "Alright, if you say so," she says mildly.

He sits in awkward silence. This is the first time she sees him where he doesn't know quite what to do with himself.

So Petra tells him about the lands filled with ice, white-capped mountains and lakes frozen over. Then something shifts in his expression and the lines of his shoulders relax as Petra tells him about the ice melting into rivers, pouring into the sea.

Dimly, she feels like there's a line she's crossed and she's not quite sure how and when, and where. But right now the Corporal's resting one elbow near her hand and listening to her, seeing the vistas in her mind. It feels like autumn again and there's the warm hue in his eyes like that day, one of those first days, and she's wondering why she's only understanding it now.

"…we should go there someday," she finds herself saying.

The Corporal turns his head slightly to face the window, as if to consider the world outside. Outside, where they barely survived. Outside, where the ice mountains are.

"Yes," he finally says, like it's the easiest thing in the world, like he actually believes it. "We should."

_FIN_


	2. Persuasion

**Summary:** She laughs, and it should be an unnatural thing in this world, but Petra is a creature made to laugh.

* * *

She laughs, and it should be an unnatural thing in this world, but Petra is a creature made to laugh.

She laughs at something Christa says, low and murmured, as the smaller girl puts a diaphanous veil over Petra's head. Petra looks excited and happy, Levi thinks. He's seen her excited and happy before—when she's landed a clean kill, when the entire squad comes home whole and safe, when he praises her in front of the others. But today her face holds a different quality to it. It might be the soft morning light filtering through the curtains, it might be because they've been rewarded a clear sky for her day, but as Petra tilts her head towards Hanji, who bends over to whisper something in her ear; the smile that follows is undeniable. He recognizes it: At least for today, Petra is utterly content.

Something digs deeply into his hand, and Levi is almost surprised to see that a thorn has pierced his finger. Cursing softly to himself, he takes out his handkerchief, sorry to see it stained red.

His movement catches the attention of Mikasa. The dark-haired girl seems a little out of place, grouped there purely due to her gender. "Heichou," she calls out.

He fights back the wave of irritation as he approaches. "Hanji," he says instead as he walks into the room, somehow very conscious that everyone is looking at him. "You had one job, and you forgot to do it," he chastises, holding out the bouquet of roses abruptly at Petra.

Hanji is devoid of any sort of embarrassment as she takes the flowers from him. "Aaaa-hn, you never miss a detail, don't you?" she teases as she hands it in turn to Petra, who has risen from her seat.

Petra smiles at him. The white dress falls around her. He remembers hearing that it is a borrowed dress, but it looks anything but. On her, it looks immaculate and clean. He can sense her embarrassment as he surveys her, however.

"Thank you, Heichou," Petra says, cheeks burning.

He simply inclines his head as response.

"Isn't this bad luck or something?" Mikasa asks dubiously, although her expression stays perfectly placid. Mikasa is a creature of logic and practicality, but like the red scarf she wears around her neck, is sometimes prone to superstition and sentimentality.

"No, I think it's only for the groom," Christa says mildly.

Levi has to scoff at the notion. Bad luck? The whole human race has been mired in perpetual bad luck for more than a hundred years. For Mikasa to be suddenly concerned about shit like this….what a fucking joke. He's about to tell her so when he's distracted by Petra bringing up the roses to her face, breathing in deeply.

He'll tell Mikasa some other time, then.

"Well…I better go," he says, a bit stupidly.

"Thank you again, Heichou," Petra says, eyes still peeking over the white blossoms that she held over her mouth. He knows she's smiling.

It was hard to imagine that Petra had actually fought him tooth and nail over this, over the notion of having a public wedding. Erwin had insisted on it, however, and said that it would be good for the morale of the Scouting Legion. Levi knows the importance of morale, knows that his men were not machines that would go on command all the time, despite their rigorous training. They needed these little moments of humanity to ground them, a little weight off their souls to help them fly more easily in missions.

But Petra, she didn't want this. She saw it as silly and wasteful, always more of a soldier than a romantic. Levi had seen Erwin's point, however—the beautiful bride who was also a soldier, someone they could all rally around and celebrate as one of their own. Seeing that both Erwin and Levi presented a united front, Petra had no choice but to acquiesce.

"Oy, Auruo—you're not wearing your cravat today?" Erd's voice broke through Levi's thoughts.

"Haha, very funny," he heard Auruo's voice echo within the room. "Oy, Gunter, if you're going to snack, don't get my uniform dirty, okay?"

"Why? Petra's not going to be fooled that you're an actual hygienic person at this point, you know?"

Normally, Levi would not have second thoughts walking into whatever banter his men were having at any giving moment. But today…his footsteps falter, and then stop. He could hear the three laughing inside, a reassuring sound. Today, he feels like a sore thumb out of place, a sensation he's not quite used to. Suddenly, he is ten years old again, standing in the streets, peeking into a warm room suffused with light, looking in at a family he is not part of.

Levi finds himself retreating to the outside. The ceremony's about to start anyway, and he's sure he can find a place where he can just breathe.

"Heichou!"

He turns around to see Petra hurrying up to him, her dress gathered up at one side. She's alone. She's all but ready to walk down the aisle, save for the concerned look on her face.

"Petra," he says. "No need to run."

"Sorry," she says quickly, out of habit. "I just—I didn't know when to say this, it never seemed like the right time, but…"

Strangely, his breath hitches.

"…but Auruo and I would like to thank you, for insisting on this," Petra continues, reddening. "I didn't want to admit it before, but now, I'm happy you did."

Levi exhales.

She reaches up to pull her veil back, and before he could register what's happening, Petra leans in to press a soft kiss on his cheek.

"Thank you, Heichou."

"Petra…"

"Petra?" Another voice cuts in. Levi startles and she turns. Erd is striding up to them, and he doesn't look happy. "Isn't the ceremony about to start?"

She nods up to him. "Yes…help me with my veil, won't you?"

Erd puts an almost protective arm around her and casts an unfamiliar look of suspicion on him.

That's another memory. It was Erd who…

"_You know why Auruo is doing this, right?" Erd had asked her, thought it was just the two of them, after another argument Petra had with Auruo. _

"_He's hoping to aggravate me to death?" She had torn grass from the soil and ripped them viciously as she spoke. _

"Hey, Erd, don't ruin my hair!"

"Such a princess…" Erd replies as they retreat from him.

"_Why do you keep looking at that other guy? He doesn't feel like that for you…won't feel that way for you. Auruo…He's just annoyed at it." _

"_Erd...That's a little sudden." _

"_Just think about it, will you, Petra? I know you want to devote your life to that guy…but take it from me, you'll want more, and he won't be able to give it to you." _

Erd has never been one to walk on eggshells. He knows Erd well enough to know that it had been pretty bad to push the man into interfering.

Levi stands for a long time and waits until they disappear from view.

Petra doesn't even look back.

Erd had been right, of course, Levi tells himself. Whoever Erd had meant, Petra eventually took his advice and became happier than she had ever been. She deserves nothing less.

Something is hurting. Levi draws out his hand and presses against the puncture wound he got earlier. He presses again, hard, until he draws blood, until the red trickles down against his pale skin, stark like an accusation.

It shouldn't hurt as much, but it does.


	3. Your Loving Daughter

**Summary**: Petra writes her last letter to her father.

* * *

Dear Papa,

How are you doing? First of all, I'm so sorry that I wasn't able to visit you last week like I promised I would. There have been some developments at the front and that needed my attention. I know you understand.

I hope you're settling nicely in the new cottage. I know it's a little far away from Central, but Mrs. Ilaria has kindly agreed to check in on you every now and then. You're getting older now, Papa, and I know (even if you don't tell me) that the noise and the neighbors in our old apartment have begun to get to you. I wish I could afford somewhere nearer. We'll go house-hunting again the next time I'm there, what do you say? Please don't say that I am spoiling you again—we only have each other and I want the best for you. I know it's been hard being just the two of us, but I hope that it's not going to be that way forever.

I'm disappointed that I wasn't able to visit last week, but more than the usual reasons, I did have some important news to share with you. I've been fretting about it for a week now, thinking if I should break this to you through the mail, or tell you in person. I do really want to tell you in person! But unfortunately, as you know, my schedule sometimes dictates me to stay put here until God knows when. So I guess there is no time like the present.

You must be really worried now! Don't be. Papa, I know that things have been very hard since Mama passed, and it was equally as hard to see me leave to fight the Titans. You might think that I do it to avenge Mama, and while it was true in the beginning, it is not true anymore. I found that revenge can only fuel me for so long, and that it affects me negatively in the end. It makes me tired and sad and angry more quickly. Worse, it makes me unfocused. But fighting to protect the people I love—that makes me stronger, and makes me fight better. Papa, I fight to protect you and all our friends.

But this realization came to me only very recently. You see, I met a new addition to our team who reminds me so much of myself. He is full of anger and a thirst for revenge. I hope I can help him somehow.

I wasn't even aware of how much I've changed until I met him. Those were bad times, and I know you don't like talking about it. Looking back, I can't believe that we've come so far, and that we've survived this long. For the longest time, all there was for me was to destroy Titans for Mama. I never thought that would change…but against all odds, it has. Perhaps it's because I've met so many people that have restored my faith in humanity, people who remind me that the world is still beautiful and that there are many things to look forward to. I know that you've always been proud of me, Papa, but for the first time in my life, I am proud of me, too.

I've realized that all this time I had been planning for my life to live as long as I could until I burnt out or I get defeated. Please don't frown…that is the reality of my work. I didn't look forward to more. I didn't want more…all I wanted was for you to live comfortably. It hasn't been the best way to live, but I've lived, somehow.

But recently, that has changed. I've thought long and hard about it, Papa. I know you're not going to like to hear this, but that is entirely my fault. I've protected you so long from the things I've experienced here in the front lines…because I didn't want you to worry. I also wanted to come home to see the eyes that won't judge me too harshly for all the things I did and the things I didn't do right. I've been selfish, and for that I am sorry. For that, I guess that's why you will never stop seeing me as your little girl.

The truth is, for the longest time, all there was to my life was the fighting. The defeat of the Titans. Nothing else mattered. I guess my single-mindedness towards this goal caught the attention of the higher-ups, which got me into the Scouting Legion, and then next to Captain Levi's squad. It was a great honor, as you know—it was the first letter I wrote to you months after we had that horrible fight. I was so happy to me recognized as such I guess all my anger at you disappeared at that moment! Captain Levi was very strict and exacting to everyone, his squad, and I'm sure all you think of him these days are everything I've complained to you about how he treated us.

Papa, I hope you look on him more favourably from now on.

You've always said that I was too young, and that I make decisions too rashly. You said that before I enlisted in the Scouting Legion, and you still say that time and again in your letters, or when we see each other. I'm not really annoyed about it. I know that you mean well and want the best for me. But I haven't been that little girl you remember, and I haven't been for a while now.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've begun to seriously consider what I want for my future, and I want to do it as soon as possible. You think I am young, but every time I go out there, I don't know if I'm going back. I know you deny this reality as much as possible, but this is something I live with everyday. I want something more to life than surviving day to day, and I think I've found someone who's given me a reason to.

I want to get married, and the man who has asked me to marry me is Captain Levi. If you're wondering what my answer was, I couldn't have been happier to say yes to him.

I'm sorry if this came as a shock and I'm sorry that I wasn't able to tell you sooner. Things happened without me really noticing it. I meant to tell you this in person the last time we saw each other, as you may have figured out now. I wish I could tell you how this all happened—but I will save that when we see each other next. I know he's older and I know you're worried. It's going to be a very long conversation, since the last you checked with me I think I told you how much I despised him. That couldn't be farther from the truth now. He's always looked out for his squad and for me, and for the longest time I thought he felt only friendship for me. Well…you can see I was wrong. Alright, I'm getting embarrassed now! We need to talk in person soon!

Please don't worry over me. He is a good man, and his heart is in the right place. I wouldn't have believed for a second back then that this is how it would end up, but it has, and it's made me very happy. I wouldn't be in this better place without him. I believe he's very happy too, although it is very hard to tell sometimes!

Levi (as I call him now when I am not on duty!) has cleared our engagement and relationship with our superiors but due to our work, we haven't really brought this out in the open yet. So please keep this news to yourself for the meantime. Levi is looking forward to meet you, and wedding arrangements are underway. It's not going to be anything big, most likely a simple ceremony with a borrowed dress, but I would want you to be part of the planning anyway.

I know this is a big surprise, but I hope it is a good one (once you've thought about it deeply). Take a deep breath, and please be happy for me! My happiness would not be complete without your happiness. Please believe that. I hope to visit you or talk to you soon.

I remain always your loving daughter,

Petra


	4. All I Have is Rain

_Well I've lost it all, I'm just a silhouette, _  
_A lifeless face that you'll soon forget_

* * *

When one reaches the end, one cannot avoid remembering. This is a reality Levi knows only all too well.

And yet he refuses to name the empty shells of his comrades as he passes them by. Corpses he knows. Corpses he is used to, their empty eyes that once expressed the final throes of anguish, the blood that steeped his nose with the smell of iron. He merely counts them, _One, two, three…_

_Four. _

He cannot linger, and he knows this. But he feels his muscles strain against the instinct, to jump, to move, to escape, to run, run, run, run, **RUN!**

So Levi does the unthinkable.

He keeps absolutely still.

_Four_, he keeps thinking to himself. _Four, god damn you!_ This is no longer a person, this pathetic heap of flesh and bone, the breakable foundations of humanity. He knows this, tells himself the facts. The gold in her hair will always be hers but everything that is left behind is but a pale imitation.

(He remembers how it filled his vision when she jumped up to hug him upon being invited into his squad. It was a vision filled with gold strands.)

He reaches out to touch it, and his hand comes away stained with blood. Levi does not care. Overhead, the sun hides its face, ashamed of his weakness. Carefully, he lifts her and lays her on the ground.

Then he sees it—a flicker in her eyes.

Against all odds, Petra Ral is clinging onto life; but only just barely. He knows this.

He provides no reassurances, does not frantically fumble for anything to staunch a wound. He knows a lost cause when he sees one. There are no words that can ease this passing.

She is immobilized, and only her eyes move. The blood is oozing everywhere—her ears, her nose, her mouth. Her body is shattered and broken. He does not want to see this. He's seen this one too many times before….and when he watched his men die, it had always been her at his side.

She only looks at him as he kneels beside her and takes her hands in his. There is no need to tell her that her spirit will live on in him, no need for brave words. She has always believed this, always buoyed through her when things got too hard, or when the world tired her too much.

He realizes that he cannot say anything that she doesn't already know.

But it is a two-way street.

He knows her, too.

He knows she forgives him by the slight way her eyes crinkle, the way it always did when he berated them too harshly, or when he acted on his own without his team. He knows she is saying,_ Sorry, I am so sorry_, even though that she does not, and never did anything wrong. He knows she is afraid, so deathly afraid, by what comes next, by the way her eyes widen, the way he almost sees himself in them. But she feels no pain anymore, her body too broken even for that.

Then, Levi sees in her eyes the first thing he ever saw in them when he first met her, and something that she's tried to hide ever since.

What a coward he is.

Then she cries, tears sliding down her temple, mixing with the blood, god, there is so much blood, and he has to close his eyes against it, prays that she forgives him for his weakness.

But Petra is fading fast now, and that's a wasted thing, too.

The sun comes out from hiding, and Levi is gone.

_FIN_


End file.
